Not necessarily the breaking up part, but how he did. The new girl even though he says it wasnt because of her.
I just feel like i need to hate him or something, but i just cant. He was my bestfriend, and even that is an understatement. and when he left i felt like he took half of me with him. But i know that i do, and i dont want to be like this!
The best way to deal with emotional pain is to feel it, without making it better, because great gifts are on the other side of feeling that pain.
In order to understand exactly what I mean, let’s first look at how we behave when we are in pain.
Experience being coached by me in the 30-minute Get Clarity Coaching Session to see what coaching can do for you. While physical pain is sometimes a signal that something is very wrong, this is not exactly the case with emotional pain. You may need to take a pain reliever, change your diet, go see a doctor, have an operation, bandage the hurt part, etc. This means that when you feel anxiety about feeling heartache, and worry about how you are going to make it go away, and try to make plans about how you are going to alter circumstances and situations and people so that you stop feeling pain, stop. “Give me three months” I decided (and may have even said out loud) “and I’ll be out the other side of this situation even stronger than before.” Well, a little like people describe childbirth, I couldn’t have believed how painful things were about to get.
The interesting thing is that you do survive it, every time. Perhaps the last time was about a second ago, or perhaps a fairly long time, regardless, put yourself back there for a moment. That is why you do not need to be afraid of emotional pain. Remind yourself that nothing bad will happen if you feel pain, and it will subside after you allow yourself to feel it. I couldn’t have believed it was possible for humans to go survive such a thing, having only heard about it and never actually experienced it for myself. I hope it won’t discourage anyone on this page if I tell you that I still wasn’t better by February, I still wasn’t better by April, and in fact June and July were possibly the darkest months in the whole experience – yes, ALL that time later. But crucially, I was still living under this misconception that I could somehow fast track my recovery by refusing to fall apart.
If the meditation below does not fit you, or does not help you feel better enough, I invite you set up a personal Problem Solver coaching session with me, where I will give you a set of tools to use specific to you and your pain. I think to hear those words from someone that just the day before had told me that he didn’t want anyone else to call his own, it literally shot a hole in my chest.
Meditation instructions: You can use the meditation once a day, many times a day, or pick a favorite line and use it as constant mantra to help you cope with pain. To cut a long story short, we have kept in contact, something i need help changing.
If you able to do this, there will be gold on the other end. Imagine the freedom you would have if you were no longer afraid of feeling emotional pain. Or (and I did this A LOT) whenever I experienced a better day, where the pain was bearable and I found myself walking down the street enjoying the sunshine, I’d totally congratulate myself for defeating it. Onwards…” Then a few days later, I’d be back at square one (meaning the pain came back), only now it was worse because now I was convinced I’d failed at being better. You can start being a success again.” For nearly a year, all that kept me going was waiting for that moment, and what’s worse is I was kind of putting everything on hold waiting for that moment to arrive.You know this already, because when you feel heartache or anxiety or frustration, it hurts.In my practice I have noticed people often have a very low tolerance for the pain of heartache – they want to make it go away as fast as possible. When you have a headache, you want to take an aspirin; and if your body hurts, you want to rest, sleep or go to the doctor to find out what’s wrong.Do you see the power you could have over your emotional life if you were able to tolerate emotional pain rather than being afraid of it? So a month ago i got a message in the middle of the day during a class that he wanted to see me the following day to discuss some issues.It can be truly astounding how much easier and more peaceful life becomes when you are no longer afraid of feeling pain. I knew instantly what he meant and so i said to him what is it about?